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US Lawmaker: Dead Russian Soldiers in Ukraine Are Eaten by Putin

Putin has found an ingenious way to hide Russia's military involvement in Ukraine, while also enjoying three square meals a day!

This post first appeared on Russia Insider

Vladimir Putin is so desperate to hide his sinister military involvement in Ukraine that he has resorted to personally eating the bodies of Russia's war dead, say U.S. lawmakers with Twitter accounts. 

The U.S. and NATO have long maintained that thousands of Russian troops invade, uninvade, and then reinvade Ukraine, basically every day, and that the Russian government is obscuring not only the presence but also the deaths of its soldiers there.

<figcaption>А совесть?</figcaption>
А совесть?

Hence the decision to eat them. “Putin has eaten each and every Russian soldier that has perished in Ukraine,” House Armed Services Committee Chairman Mac Thornberry told Russia Insider in an exclusive interview. “Apparently he puts each soldier between two pieces of toast, adds a bit of ketchup, and makes a meal of it.”

Thornberry said he had seen evidence of the feeding frenzy from both U.S. and Ukrainian sources. He said he could not disclose details of classified information, but insisted that he believed the reports. “What we have heard from the Ukrainians, they are largely supported by U.S. intelligence and others,” he said. "And when have they ever been wrong? Never."

The congressman believes that Putin has been snacking on dead Russians in a frantic attempt to keep up the ruse that he has no soldiers fighting inside Ukraine. 

“Russia is clearly having a problem with their home front and the casualties they are taking from the war,” Thornberry said. “The fact that Putin would resort to eating his own soldiers is horrific and shameful.”

There had been unconfirmed reports of Putin binging on dead soldiers for months, including leaked videos purporting to show Putin telling his personal Kremlin cook that he had just returned from Donetsk, and "wasn't hungry for dinner". But never before have U.S. lawmakers confirmed that American officials also believe that Putin is hiding Russian soldiers in his belly. 

The U.S. State Department says that it cannot confirm reports of Putin's eating habits. However, State Department spokeswoman Marie Harf did stress that U.S. spy satellites show that Russians "like to put dill on everything."

The Obama administration is understandably concerned about providing Ukraine with arms, citing the possibility that Putin could locate them — and then eat them. 

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