ATTN Fake News Fighters: Our Summer Fund Drive is LIVE!
Our Summer Fund Drive is LIVE!
Support Russia Insider - Go Ad-Free!

It's an Icy Cold Spring in Germany - Obviously, It's Putin's Fault

Funny.  This ridiculing of hardline German media propaganda against Russia has gone completely mainstream in Germany.  Very well done, it comes from a very popular German language news satire website called The Global Morning Post Observer.   It full of similar stuff.

MORE: Germany

This article originally appeared at Allgemeine Morgenpost Rundschau (The Global Morning Post Observer)
Translated by Tom Winter at Fort Russ.

Our sparrows are not singing from the rooftops, for the sparrows are frozen solid. The Russian president once again is dealing his devilish game in Deutschland.

<figcaption>The leading experts claim that Putin is using military refueling planes to manipulate the weather with nano-particles of aluminum.</figcaption>
The leading experts claim that Putin is using military refueling planes to manipulate the weather with nano-particles of aluminum.

Instead of springtime here in Germany, we have to undergo sleet and ice storms, such as never before have greeted the month of April. Whether it is an April Fool, or a serious provocation of Russian president Vladimir Putin awaits further investigation.

Vladimir Putin already possesses an array of fiendish weaponry, cloak-tank, which annihilates every trace of its existence, a Klingon cloaking device, rockets that actually work, and several others. Yet, whether he can achieve a breakout of winter weather here in spring, has the experts puzzled. Only thing known for sure, is that it is Putin’s fault.

Yet, how is it possible to manage such manipulation of the weather? Is Putin able, through nozzles secretly positioned in Russia, to shift the orbit, and cool the world? Has Putin caged the earth in satellites that hold us in a heat-reflecting force-field?  Has Putin got the capability of regulating the solar temperatures with thermonuclear disruption-generators? Or is he manipulating the gravitational field of the Milky Way, in order to freeze Germany?

Putin's air tankers serenely covering Germany with chemtrails

A further theory, and one advanced by the leading experts, is that Putin is spreading chemtrails, using military refueling planes to manipulate the weather with nano-particles of aluminum. This technology was pioneered by the US during the Viet Nam War, and has doubtless been developed and perfected to the point that it can be used over Germany.

This theory would explain why Jörg Kachelmann [one of Germany’s leading weather forecasters] has turned into a chemtrail theory hater since the courts found him “not guilty” on that rape charge: Putin blackmailed him so he would sternly decry every mention of “chemtrails” as the price of his freedom. Even so, experts speculate “Did Ben Weatherbird* have to die so that Putin’s chemtrail plans could stay hidden?”

One thing, at least, is clear: it is too cold for spring. Experts explain that it’s long past the time when pretty women should be jogging through the parks in airy revealing garb or in their spandex tights.How long must we wait, the experts are asking.  We shiver, and wonder: How long are the Russians going keep on hitting us with this stunt?

Russia Insider's Summer Fund Drive is LIVE!

The more you give, the bigger our impact. It's that simple.

MORE: Germany

Our commenting rules: You can say pretty much anything except the F word. If you are abusive, obscene, or a paid troll, we will ban you. Full statement from the Editor, Charles Bausman.