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Poroshenko Unveils Vial of Russian Anthrax

All dumb wars are based on lies, and every snake oil salesman needs a prop. But time is always the enemy

This post first appeared on Russia Insider

The parallels between the run-up to the Iraq War (which one? All of them) and Kiev's uncontrollable lust for weapons and escalation in East Ukraine are now plain and terrifying.

Who could forget Colin Powell's "slam dunk" case for war against the helpless third-world nation of Iraq? The looming mushroom cloud? The apocalyptic vial full of homebrewed Iraqi anthrax? Quite a performance—and one that Powell immediately regretted

<figcaption>Poroshenko displays Russian military hardware</figcaption>
Poroshenko displays Russian military hardware

[Powell's] 2003 speech to the United Nations, in which he gave a detailed description of Iraqi weapons programs that turned out not to exist, was "painful" for him personally and would be a permanent "blot" on his record.

And now we have Poroshenko showcasing his collection of Russian passports as he screams for more weapons. (This is slightly off-topic but we would just like to point out, for the record, that it's not that hard to get your hands on a Russian passport. We know people who know people. E-mail us if you're interested.) Also, lest we forget: Poroshenko is world-famous for producing a giant wedge of Swiss cheese as evidence of Putin's personal villainy. 

The five Russian passports and slice of cheese all point to one, incontrovertible fact: There are currently 9,000 Russian soldiers waging asymmetric warfare against Azov battalion and other freedom fighters who are currently struggling to liberate the east from Terrorism. 

Will Poroshenko regret his performance, assuming he survives the impending Right Sector coup? American troops were already being torn apart by roadside bombs by the time the truth finally caught up with Powell and his vial of anthrax.

How many will have to die before Poroshenko comes crawling to The New York Times with a half-hearted apology? 

The US Ambassador to NATO says there is no "full-scale" invasion of Ukraine. The Guardian agrees. Even The Wall Street Journal is begging the United States to produce some sort of evidence to support Poroshenko's bold, bile-filled baloney. 

Not a single European nation is interested in arming Ukraine. But weapons will probably still arrive in Kiev—if they haven't already. Frankly, it's hard to stop America's war gears once they're greased with lies and hysteria. And John McCain is already rubbing his dried-out prune nipples in wild anticipation, which is always a bad sign.

Poroshenko might very easily escape this entire, miserable debacle unscathed. Even if the war in Ukraine ends up extinguishing 100,000 souls, Poroshenko will likely find refuge at some Washington think tank, or as a regular guest on CNN. Industrial-strength soap and a great deal of money will allow him to cleanse his blood-stained hands. But it will be much harder for him to wash away the lies. 

All dumb wars are based on lies, and every snake oil salesman needs a prop. But time—time is always the enemy. Just ask Colin Powell. 


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