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What Happened to MH370? Top Western Theories: 1. It Flew Into a Black Hole 2. Putin Ate It

'An expert is a man on television'

This post first appeared on Russia Insider

No one knows for sure what happened to Malaysia Airlines Flight 370, but at least one person on television thinks that it could have been sucked into a black hole. The black hole theory is compelling, but not everyone is convinced. Other experts insist that Russian President Vladimir Putin straight-up ate the entire plane.

Who's right? Let's review the evidence. 

<figcaption>Many experts believe that Putin also ate Amelia Earhart</figcaption>
Many experts believe that Putin also ate Amelia Earhart

First, the slightly less likely scenario involving black holes, nicely summarized by American journalist Robert Bridge:

With the disappeared plane mystery grinding into its second week, [guy who thinks Putin ate MH370] Jeff Wise participated in a CNN panel discussion that could have been scripted by David Lynch for a Lost Highway segment.

During that episode, CNN host [and idiot] Don Lemon asked without a hint of irony if it would be "preposterous" to suggest that a black hole was responsible for the disappearance of MH370. Yes, very preposterous, but no matter. Mary Shapiro, former Inspector General of the US Dept. of Transportation, was happy to remind Lemon in strained yet patient teacher-speak that a "small black hole would suck in our entire universe, so we know it's not that..."

Watch for yourself:


But we prefer Jeff Wise's theory: The plane was gobbled up by Russia's very hungry president. Yes, Jeff Wise, the CNN expert who turned television coverage of the missing Malaysian airliner into a circus freak sideshow, now wants the world to believe Vladimir Putin ate MH370.

We don't want to go into details -- read Robert Bridge's excellent write-up of Wise's irrefutable theory -- but almost everyone now agrees that Putin definitely ate that airplane:


But according to Wise, Putin forgot to eat one piece. (Maybe.)

In conclusion, Jeff Wise will pump Putin's stomach and finally bring closure to this long, tragic mystery.

God bless you, Jeff.

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