Support Russia Insider - Go Ad-Free!

SATIRE: 10 Reasons Why Victoria Nuland Should Be Seen as Stalin of Today

Starts as good fun, ends up cutting too close to the truth to keep us laughing

10. Both use made up names. Stalin’s family name was Jugashvilli, Nuland’s ancestor’s name was Nudelman. The ancestors of both Nuland and Stalin came from the Russian empire, which probably gave them both the idea that they have a special knowledge of how to handle Russia.

9. Nuland’s right hand man happens to be her husband, Robert Kagan. Stalin’s right hand man was a fellow communist, named Lazar Kagan(ovich). Kagan co-authored “Project for a New American Century” and he obviously wants to realized his vision for Ukraine by implementing what might be called, “amerikanizatsiia,” that is, the process of bringing in the officials from US and other countries to run Ukraine along the American lines. In his turn, Kaganovich was the First Secretary of the Communist Party of the Ukrainian SSR from 1925-1928 and was expected to usher in “New Soviet Century” through the politics of "ukrainizatsiya": creating a new ruling Soviet elite for Ukraine, the elite brought in primarily from other places.

8. Both are clear ideologues: Nuland of “neocon movement”, Stalin of bolshevism. Both went to schooling with the masters and chief ideologues. Nuland worked closely with Rumsfeld and Cheney, starting as Vice President’s senior aide, and eventually serving as his deputy national security adviser. In his essay for Financial Times, Geoff Dyer quotes an former colleague in the Obama administration State Department , who observed that “I have no doubt that when she sits down for a family dinner, she is the biggest neocon at the table.” While Lenin’s widower, Krupskaia, joked that had Lenin re-appeared when Stalin was already in charge, he would have had Lenin put to jail for deviating from the party course.

7. Both are willing to see through numerous deaths in Ukraine to get the territory under their influence. Stalin together with Kaganovich unleashed forced collectivization upon Ukraine, resulting in mass death of peasants, known as Holodomor. Nuland’s and her fellow neocons’ forced “americanization” resulted in the civil war between Donbass and Kiev, that so far has claimed  thousands of lives, destroyed infrastructure, and produced hundreds of thousands of refugees. 

6. They both tend to be aggressive and demanding and refuse to take no for an answer. Consequently, they prefer to squeeze their opponents till they break. Geoff Dyer’s quotes Dimitri Simes, president of the Center for the National Interest in Washington DC who observed: “It is clear that her whole approach is to push Russia so hard that it has no choice but to accommodate the US.” Stalin’s ability to squeeze his opponents is, of course, proverbial.

5. According to Stalin’s critic, Abdurakhman Aftorkhanov, Stalin made two mistakes during the WWII. He showed Europe to Russians (soldiers who saw how prosperous it was and realized that they were duped). And he showed Russians to Europe – which got scared, and started NATO, and other programs. The fate of Russia and the rest of the world has changed as the result of these mistakes. Someday, Nuland’s critics will charge her with accomplishing a similar feat. She has fully exposed to the Western world Ukraine’s lawlessness, corruption, and neofascism. And she has amply demonstrated Western World to both Ukrainians and Russians, who will never trust it again: seeing its unscrupulous meddling into their affairs.

4. Both are too arrogant and impatient to waste their time of diplomacy, and prefer to cut to the chase. They dismiss the possible opposition or obstacles with the similar terms. “F..k EU,” famously observed Nuland, in response to the questions about EU attitude toward the regime change in Ukraine. Stalin never hesitated to resort to the foul language, calling Lenin’s wife, “syphilitic whore,” or bragging that in the course of WWII he managed to outsmart Great Britain: “Stalin could always raise a laugh from his courtiers by saying, as he often did: 'We f***ed England!'“

3. Both prefer to rule by decree and appoint the people to the offices. While Nuland boldly proclaimed from the comfort of her office that Yatseniuk will be the future leader of Ukraine: “Yats is the man,” Stalin, of course, went even further, not only assigning Kaganovich, Khrushchev, and others to run Ukraine, but threating Lenin’s widow, Krupskaia, that if she continues to challenge him, he’ll appoint another woman as Lenin’s widow.   

2. Similarly to Stalin, who for the sake of strategic purposes made the deal with Nazis (Ribbentrop), Nuland held various meetings with Ukraine’s Right Sector and other ultra-nationalist, neo-fascist organizations; and seems to be very cozy with Svoboda leader, Oleh Tyahnybok.

1. And finally, both Stalin and Nuland tend to present themselves in stunning visual imagery as the good caring parents of the new nation, easily duping the gullible locals. Here is Stalin surrounded by admiring Soviet children who are forever grateful to him for their happy childhood, and here is Nuland, surrounded by happy Ukrainians, whom she feeds with pastry as they are ready to embark on the path toward the new statehood.

Support Russia Insider - Go Ad-Free!

Our commenting rules: You can say pretty much anything except the F word. If you are abusive, obscene, or a paid troll, we will ban you. Full statement from the Editor, Charles Bausman.

Add new comment