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PUTIN WEAPONIZES MIDLIFE CRISES: Russian Hookers Hack Into Brad Pitt's Pants

Russia destroys America's most cherished institution: Brangelina. Never forgive. Never forget.

This post first appeared on Russia Insider

Brangelina is no more.

As Americans across the nation hold candlelight vigils and ritual mass suicides, one painful, lingering question remains: How could this happen?

<figcaption>Russia Insider is very good at MS Paint</figcaption>
Russia Insider is very good at MS Paint

Russian hookers, that's how:

“The atmosphere [off-set] was full of hard drugs and Russian hookers, and Angie was told Brad got caught up in it,’’ the source said.

“He’s in the throes of some insane midlife crisis, and Angie is fed up.”

Do we really need to connect the dots? This is a textbook case Russian honey trap, orchestrated by Putin himself.

Brad probably barfed up all of America's nuclear launch codes to these tantalizing Russian tarts. And also, Moneyball is now ruined forever. Is life even worth living anymore?

This is perhaps Putin's most blatant, unforgivable affront to democracy and western values.

If Putin can weaponize midlife crises, what can't he weaponize? Frog memes? No, he has weaponized these as well.

Pray for America.




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