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Pentagon Watches Some Videos. Diagnoses Putin with Neurological Disorder

Time to revoke Pentagon's Youtube rights?

Danielle Ryan is our regular contributor. This article also appeared at Journalitico


Have you heard the latest? No, not the regurgitated paedophile claims. That’s so three days ago.

<figcaption>Putin’s “neurological development was significantly interrupted in infancy,” the report says.</figcaption>
Putin’s “neurological development was significantly interrupted in infancy,” the report says.

Today’s news is that Putin has Asperger’s.

How do we know this?

Because some Pentagon researchers watched some videos, looked at his face and decided he must have a neurological disorder.

You really, genuinely, could not make this stuff up.

A Pentagon report from 2008, released by way of a Freedom of Information Act request to USA Today, concluded that the Russian president probably, most likely, maybe (*cough* definitely *cough*) has a neurological disorder, which makes him a bit of a loose cannon.

This “disorder” theory conveniently enough supports the notion that bad old Vlad is a man who can’t be negotiated with and must be met with force, the only thing he understands.

So, what evidence do they have to support the claim?

Well, as I mentioned, they watched some videos.

From these videos they hypothesized that Putin’s mother could have had a stroke while she was pregnant, which caused an “insult” to his brain before he was even born.

My God, this poor man had no hope of being a normal human. He was doomed from the very beginning.

Putin’s “neurological development was significantly interrupted in infancy,” the report says.

USA Today diligently informs us that it is “not known” whether this information has been “acted upon”.

Phew?

We’re also told that researchers “can’t prove” their theory about Putin and Asperger’s because actually, shockingly enough, they “were not able to perform a brain scan on the Russian president”.

But back to the videos. What did they reveal, specifically?

The way he moves, apparently, is strange.

This means things that we as mere mortals (and not Pentagon movement experts) could never understand.

In addition to this, he likes quiet spaces and one-on-one meetings. How strange for a president.

Oh, and his behavior and facial expressions reveal someone “who is defensive in large social settings”.

Or maybe his behavior and facial expressions reveal something else.

Feel free to hypothesize all you want on that one.

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