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Handing Erdogan a Sarin Investigation Is Like Trusting a Fatty Alone With a Cake

In other words: Don't do it

This post first appeared on Russia Insider

It's been fun watching the western media act like Turkey is an impartial, objective observer of the alleged Idlib sarin attack.

Our friends at the BBC triumphantly announced on April 11 that Turkey's Health Minister Recep Akdag found traces of sarin in the blood and urine of several victims of the alleged chemical atrocity.

<figcaption>You should probably test that cake for sarin before taking a bite...</figcaption>
You should probably test that cake for sarin before taking a bite...

For Russia's official response to Turkey's Big Foot sighting, click here. You won't be disappointed.

Quick question, though: Does the BBC think we were born yesterday? 

Turkey, the country that was caught red-handed gobbling up all of ISIS' delicious smuggled oil; Turkey, the country that invaded northern Syria; Turkey, the country that has proudly supported the "moderate" rebels since Day One. 

Of all the uninvited guests currently making a mess of Syria, Turkey has the most to gain — and absolutely nothing to lose — from a "chemical attack" that would simultaneously vilify Assad and force Washington's hand. Oh, and did we mention that Turkey is desperately trying to get the US to reverse course on its plan to give the Kurds a nice little slice of northern Syria?

On the home front, a spooky sarin story is just what Erdogan needs to whip up support for his March 16 sultan referendum. Who will save our kebabs from the chems? Erdogan will.

And at a time when Turkey's relationship with Europe is at an all-time low, what's better than a nice little gas attack to "bring us all together" in condemnation of Assad, the demonic sarin enthusiast? 

Trump's campaign pledge to work with Russia to defeat ISIS is now a distant, Edgar Allen Poe opium dream. Russia did the right thing by nixing communication channels with the US — but that's also exactly what Erdogan wants and needs. 

Two weeks ago, Tillerson was speaking openly about propping up the Kurds. This may still be a priority, but for the time being, it has taken a backseat to removing Assad — again, ten points to Erdogan. 

As one superb analysis notes:

President Recep Erdogan shies away from demanding an independent inquiry. Instead, he insists, “We have the radar information and we have the forensic reports. Some say Syria does not have chemical weapons. Of course it does. It’s clear which planes dropped it.” Erdogan wants to close the file and move on. He lost no time to extend enthusiastic support for the US missile attack in Syria on April 6 and is beseeching President Donald Trump to revive the “regime change” agenda in Syria. Why such bizarre behavior?

Turkey stood to gain by precipitating a situation in Syria that would willy-nilly lead to some form of American intervention.

And Turkey's involvement in the last major "chemical attack" in Syria is a whole other can of worms. But to borrow a favorite Obama phrase, "Let's look forward". 

If you really think Erdogan is worrying about the "beautiful babies" in Syria, and not rubbing his hands together with glee, then we have a bridge to sell you which leads to a giant bag of Turkish chemicals. (Probably not sarin, though. That's a tricky business.)

Let's be honest: Handing Erdogan a sarin investigation is like trusting a fatty alone with a giant lard cake. 

Valued RI reader George Zah contributed to this piece of award-winning journalism. Visit him on Twitter

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