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Kindergarten Geography Skills Continue to Hinder America's Ability to Bomb People

Bombing people is easy and fun. But finding where they live, on a map? This requires difficult book-learning. Major bummer

This post first appeared on Russia Insider

Donald Trump's fake "show of force" against North Korea has resurrected an ancient question that many wise philosophers have pondered for thousands of years: Can Americans actually locate on a map the countries that they so desperately wish to bomb?

We apologize for the rhetorical question. 

<figcaption>Bombs away!</figcaption>
Bombs away!

Of course, the North Korea "incident" was not due to poor navigational skills; it was nothing more than a fear-mongering distraction to boost television and approval ratings. 

But it does beg the question: Can Rachel Maddow and her army of lobotomized potatoes actually find Moscow on Google Maps? Because that is the first step, at least in theory, if you want to bomb it. 

According to science, the answer is a resounding "no". 

Several years ago a group of American academics asked a simple and extremely rude question: Americans want to rescue Ukraine from Russian invasion — but can they find Ukraine on a map?

We know that war is God's way of teaching the US geography, but sometimes even God can't deliver:

According to the nerds:

About one in six (16 percent) Americans correctly located Ukraine, clicking somewhere within its borders. Most thought that Ukraine was located somewhere in Europe or Asia, but the median respondent was about 1,800 miles off — roughly the distance from Chicago to Los Angeles — locating Ukraine somewhere in an area bordered by Portugal on the west, Sudan on the south, Kazakhstan on the east, and Finland on the north.

The further our respondents thought that Ukraine was from its actual location, the more they wanted the U.S. to intervene militarily. 

Of course, this is extremely unfair because the average American has no say in who the US bombs, or for what manufactured reasons. 

Which is why the United States has selfless public servants such as Maxine Waters, who wants Putin to withdraw from Korea — or else

Even the media is doing its part to help educate the American public. Here's the classic example from Fox News:

We're noticing a familiar pattern when it comes to American war-making: Everyone agrees that US bombs must be dropped on far-away people, but correctly placing these bombs is a bit of a nuisance. Isn't there a Google App for this? There definitely should be. 

At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter. So long as the bombs are dropped.

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