As bad as the anti-Russian hysteria in the Anglo-sphere is, it's worse in Ukraine — there, everyone is a Russian agent.
Infamous tie-eater, wanted criminal, ex-leader of Georgia, ex-leader of the Odessa region in Ukraine, current figurehead for the "Ukrainian opposition" and all-around sorry excuse for a human being Mikheil Saakashvili is currently undergoing some legal trouble in Kiev. His Ukrainian citizenship was revoked back in December, prompting a series of self-preservation-inspired publicity stunts after he re-entered Ukraine and promised to stay. Since then, he has been taken into custody, rescued, questioned and released on numerous occasions. He and his supporters have called for Poroshenko's impeachment because of his corruption — Saakashvili says he's ready to become Ukraine's next prime minister. And just yesterday [January 3] Saakashvili stunned the world by revealing the man behind all his current troubles: Vlad "The Man" Putin himself.
At the hearing, prosecutors sought to have Saakashvili placed under house arrest after he refused to answer questions from the SBU (Ukraine's security service). After refusing to speak, he revealed the dark hand of Putin to the media, accusing President Poroshenko of colluding with Putin to manufacture the charges against him. What charges? That Saakashvili himself is an agent of Putin! What a tangled web of Russian agents we have here.
Arch Russia-hater Mikheil Saakashvili accuses his arch enemy Poroshenko of being a Putin tool. Arch Russia-hater Poroshenko, in turn, is accusing Saakashvili of being a Putin tool. It doesn't get any better than this, folks. Talk about slapstick comedy! Just a couple weeks ago, famous Russian phone pranksters "Vovan and Lexus" rang up Poroshenko pretending to be calling from the Georgian special services. In their conversation, Poroshenko told them, "We found the connection between Mikheil Saakashvili and Russian special services. They financed him. We caught them red-handed."
RFE/RL's coverage of the recent charges leveled against Saakashvili reiterate Poroshenko's accusation:
Ukrainian Prosecutor-General Yuriy Lutsenko has accused Saakashvili, the former governor of Ukraine's Odesa region, of abetting an alleged "criminal group" led by Ukraine's former President Viktor Yanukovych, who fled to Russia after his ouster in February 2014.
Ukrainian authorities also claim that protests led by Saakashvili in Ukraine are part of a Russian plot against the government in Kyiv.
Part of the evidence presented in the case is a recording of an alleged telephone conversation between Saakashvili and a pro-Russian Ukrainian businessman who is hiding in Russia.
Lutsenko has charged that the businessman, Serhiy Kurchenko, offered Saakashvili money to organize protests and public disorder in Ukraine, and that Saakashvili accepted a half-million-dollar payment.
Saakashvili, who attended the January 3 Kyiv hearing with his wife and a son, denies all charges.
Saakashvili insists this evidence was fabricated by the SBU "with the involvement of" the Russian FSB:
"The so-called forensics saying it was proven that my so-called conversation with Kurchenko was authentic has a lot of flaws," Saakashvili said.
"First of all, I refused to give them a voice sample when I was interrogated by the SBU security service," he said.
"In spite of that, they were able to present forensic conclusions saying that the voice on the tape is mine," Saakashvili said. "But their own expert says in the documentation that the forensic team didn't have a proper voice sample to make a thorough analysis."
"This reminds me of the old Soviet style when authorities proved the authenticity of whatever they themselves claimed," he said.
Here's what Saakashvili reportedly said about Poroshenko:
"A source from the presidential administration informed me that I was being deprived of my citizenship, then my arrest. Now the same source said that on December 21 there was a conversation between Putin and Poroshenko, where apart from the exchange of prisoners, it was actually about me. It was to give an order to (businessman Sergey) Kurchenko to give testimony against me."
Recall that Saakashvili is wanted for crimes he committed in his home country, Georgia. He filed an appeal in Ukraine to be recognized as a refugee or "person in need of additional protection." That appeal was denied yesterday. RFE/RL continues:
Saakashvili has said Ukrainian authorities were seeking to deny him the protection status to "create conditions" for his "expulsion from the country" so he can be extradited to Tbilisi, where he faces multiple charges — including abuse of his presidential powers and complicity in the 2006 murder of a Georgian banker.
"Ten minutes ago a trial against me started in Tbilisi, the same time as in Kyiv," Saakashvili said during his Kyiv hearing on January 3. "Do you think it's by chance? Oligarchs are able to make deals. But they could have at least decided on different times."
Aside from every Ukrainian living in the Donbass, countless "separatist supporters" living in the rest of Ukraine, Saakashvili, and Poroshenko, there are some more potential Kremlin agents, according to SBU head Vasily Hrytsak: the 74 Ukrainian POWs released by the Donbass leadership in the recent prisoner exchange with Kiev:
On the question of whether the SBU will check the released Ukrainian hostages for possible recruitment by Russia, he replied: "Yes, of course, we will question them regarding the circumstances of their captivity. There is such a thing as a counter-intelligence survey, and we will definitely carry it out."
A counter-intelligence survey is conducted when the circumstances of captivity are not fully understood.
"We are fully aware that physical and psychological pressure is being applied to our servicemen, and to all citizens of Ukraine who are or were in captivity, some of whom are recruited by Russia as agents," he said.
Rumor has it that the technique used by the Kremlin-imported torture masters in Donetsk and Lugansk is simply to tell Ukrainian soldiers/prisoners the truth: that they are being lied to by their government; that the targets they have been ordered to destroy are schools, apartments, hospitals; that the "separatists" don't want war — they just want to be left alone by the corrupt, coup-installed government in Kiev. Some Ukrainian conscripts see the light. Ergo, they are agents of the Kremlin. Only a spy for Putin could believe such ludicrous propaganda.
As bad as the anti-Russian hysteria in the Anglo-sphere is, it's worse in Ukraine. People are thrown in prison for the thought crime of "sympathizing with the Russian-backed separatists", tortured and killed for the crime of fighting against an illegal government that promised to wipe out their culture. Ukraine is also broke. The government is as corrupt as or more corrupt than it has ever been. Real neo-Nazis not only have their own militias — they are part of the government. And the political climate is so paranoid that the latest Poroshenko/Saakashvili comedy show was totally predictable. Everyone is potentially — or in fact — a Russian agent. Sad, but also funny, because it's true.
The only thing funnier would be if Russia really were pulling the strings of this tragicomedy: giving token support to the most vile Russophobes, thus giving them all just enough rope to hang themselves as they all accuse each other of colluding with the enemy they have sworn to demonize and destroy. Just as Russiagate is falling to pieces in the U.S. — thus destroying the reputation of entire institutions such as the DNC, FBI and DOJ — Ukraine is falling to pieces. And all that the major players can do as they draw their last political breaths is eke out the final political death rasp: "It was Russia! Russia...! RUSSSSIAAAAAAA!!!!!!"