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Russians Must Choose Between Food or Hookers, Collapse Inevitable

  • The Moscow Times triumphantly announces that prostitutes in the tiny arctic port city of Murmansk have hiked prices for their sexy services by up to 40%
  • In layman's terms: Russia is teetering on the edge of total economic collapse


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This post first appeared on Russia Insider

The head of Russia's Central Bank resigned in disgrace this morning after arctic hookers announced that they intend to peg the cost of their lady-love to the dollar.

Putin's Russia has finally been brought to its knees, and by hookers, no less. The Moscow Times reports

<figcaption>Putin's grand designs for world domination, destroyed by expensive passions of the flesh</figcaption>
Putin's grand designs for world domination, destroyed by expensive passions of the flesh

An escort agency in the northern port of Murmansk has raised prices by 30 to 40 percent, news website reported.

The pre-crisis price was 3,000 to 7,000 rubles ($55 to $130 at Thursday's rate) per two hours of "spending time with an agency employee," Flashnord said Tuesday.

Until this very moment, the price of basic staples such as bread, milk, and prostitutes had remained relatively stable in Russia. Now millions of Russian households will have to choose between food or Murmansk escorts -- by no means an easy choice to make.

And the hooker crisis is quickly spreading across Russia.

According to the Times, "In the Urals, sex workers have raised prices by between 50 and 100 percent."

Bank runs are being reported across Russia as frantic citizens desperate for one final hooker-fix rush to exchange their miserable rubles for delicious, sex-buying dollars. The situation is extremely dire. Just ask the BBC

Many years from now, western scholars will attribute the collapse of Russia not to sanctions, nor oil prices, nor Putin invading Finland, but rather to arctic hooker hyperinflation.

You had a good run, Russia. But no country can survive without affordable hookers. 

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