British Press Places Petrov, Boshirov in a Druggy Orgy Which Would Explain a Lot

Hilariously the very same press also continues to insist the two are Putin's assassins

The interview Petrov and Boshirov, the two Russians the UK government has officially accused poisoning Sergei Skripal, with a chemical weapon, gave RT was truly odd. They were extremely defensive, declined to answer rudimentary questions, and what they did say didn't square with common sense.

It was pretty obvious they were hiding something and probably lying about some things as well. First and foremost their stated reason for going to England -- to see tourists sights -- didn't square with what they actually did once they were there.

<figcaption>FACT: Putin's Assassins Smoke Drugs and Group Sex While on Mission</figcaption>
FACT: Putin's Assassins Smoke Drugs and Group Sex While on Mission

Now the British tabloid press claims once there, one thing they did was smuggle a prostitute and weed into their hotel room for a druggy orgy. It so happens this would at once explain why the pair frequently travels to Europe -- most often Geneva -- and also why they were so secretive, defensive and tense in their RT interview. They don't want their debauchery to become public. It would also explain why the pair at times was caught by CCTV walking around aimlessly and waiting around for no apparent purpose (their dealer/pimp didn't pull through?)

Hilariously at the same time as divulging this the British press continues to insists the pair are indeed "Kremlin assassins". Apparently when the scary GRU selects a pair of secret agents for a super risky mission to kill a forgotten nobody and entrusts them with a frightening "Novichok" never agent "eight times more lethal than VX" it selects two simpletons who leave their target alive and can't refrain from organizing a druggy orgy -- that has other hotel guests complaining about the noise and the smell -- while on the job. What, Beavis and Butt-Head weren't available? The Daily Mail even trots out the harebrained idea the two "agents" were cajoled into the RT interview as "punishment":

Separate reports suggest that the hitmen were wheeled out for their TV interview as punishment for leaving a trail of evidence.

LOL, what trail of evidence? Evidence of what? Certainly not of these two being "Putin's assassins".

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