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Russia Hiding Missiles in Secret Tents in Eastern Europe, Says World’s Most Annoying News Outlet

"Commercial satellite images suggest that Russia is moving a new generation of nuclear-capable missiles into Eastern Europe". That's an actual sentence that we just copy and pasted from Someone please shoot us.

This post first appeared on Russia Insider

You were probably too busy petitioning the Electoral College to make Bono the next president, but did you know that Russia "appears to be preparing to permanently base its Iskander missile system" in Eastern Europe?

And by "Eastern Europe", we really mean "Kaliningrad, a territory of the Russian Federation". And, as always, this terrifying story is based on "commercial satellite images [is that you, Bellingcat?]", and was dutifully reported by insufferable windbag emporium and radio broadcaster NPR.

<figcaption>A Russian Iskander system hiding under a tent in "Eastern Europe"</figcaption>
A Russian Iskander system hiding under a tent in "Eastern Europe"

Brace yourself:

The images show ground being cleared for tentlike shelters used at other Iskander bases, says Jeffrey Lewis, a nonproliferation expert at the James Martin Center for Nonproliferation Studies. "The pattern, and the size, and the location strongly suggest to us that this is the beginning phase of construction of the shelters for Iskander," Lewis says.

So ... we're all going to die?

Here's the best part, buried at the very bottom of the article:

But [retired Brig. Gen. Peter Zwack, who served as defense attaché to Russia from 2012 to 2014] says it's important not to overreact. Russia already has nuclear-capable systems based in Kaliningrad, including SS-21 ballistic missiles.

This is why NPR chose an appropriate, not-overreacting headline: "Russia Seen Moving New Missiles To Eastern Europe".

It's almost like the U.S. hasn't surrounded Russia with NATO bases and missile silos. Almost.

Every time you turn on NPR, a kitten is punted from the top floor of the Freedom Tower.



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