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ABC News Tells Its Viewers That 2+2=5

Humorless media continues to ruin America

This post first appeared on Russia Insider

Most normal people — whether they support Trump or not — thoroughly enjoyed Donald's master troll tweet in which he cited a benign photograph of Chuck Schumer drinking coffee with Putin at a gas station — and insinuated that it was irrefutable proof of the senator's ties to Russia.

Here's how ABC News (The Associated Press, technically) "reported" it:

President Donald Trump, his administration under siege for contacts with Russian officials, is calling for "an immediate investigation" into Senate Minority Leader Charles Schumer's own ties to Russian President Vladimir Putin.

Trump's evidence? A 14-year-old photo of Schumer and Putin holding coffee and doughnuts in a New York City gas station.

<figcaption>Please stop.</figcaption>
Please stop.

Please. Just stop.

It's a joke. Everyone knows it's a joke. By not acknowledging that it's a joke that everyone knows is a joke, you are essentially claiming that 2+2=5, and with a straight face.

That's very bad.

You don't even have to like Trump — maybe you even think he is a Moloch-worshipping space lizard. But if you can't even acknowledge that he was clearly joking and was clearly pointing out that Red Menace hysteria in America has reached levels that surpass self-satire, it's time to admit that you're an card-carrying asshole who hates the truth.

As your very own Russia Insider wrote just last month:

We live in the "best of all possible worlds", or so they say. But there is one indiscretion which we simply cannot tolerate or forgive: Being a humorless oaf who sucks the fun out of life. 

The inability to take a joke — especially at your own expense — is deadly. It destroys entire civilizations. If your very own Russia Insider ruled the world, all such people would be deported to the nearest gulag immediately.

We think this is very reasonable.

And as we pointed out last month about the "punching 'Nazis' is cool" phenomenon on Facebook and Twitter, as dialogue becomes less reasonable and more extreme, Americans will rapidly lose the ability to communicate with one another. And violence will fill the void.

Not to belittle the seriousness or severity of armed conflict, but a war is basically when at least one side of a dispute (real or manufactured) has decided that dialogue is superfluous. We've been to a war zone and these sorts of places are not something to envy or admire, which makes us conclude that talking to people — especially people we don't particularly like — is the only way to create a brighter tomorrow.

Since we're a liberal tree-hugger at heart, we'll allow John Lennon to explain why humorless ABC News is destroying America:


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