Omnipotent Hillbilly Nikki Haley Sees Right Through Putin's Fake Facade

Former Waffle House waitress checkmates Putin

Tue, May 16, 2017
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Nikki Haley and her famous MKULTRA zombie smile
Nikki Haley and her famous MKULTRA zombie smile

US Ambassador to the UN Nikki Haley has only been on the job for a few months—but she can already read Putin like a Waffle House menu. 

Haley, a South Carolina peach who has dazzled the Security Council with her quaint, dainty bullshit, was put on probation a few weeks ago after her incessant baloney-spewing became too insufferable for even the State Department. America's got talent! 

Haley's been on a short leash since then, but apparently she was still able to scamper off to ABC News and yap about the isolated, insolent Russians who have been shaken to the core by Haley's Jedi mind tricks:

I think the Russians are trying to figure out what to do. I don’t think they know what to do with our president. I don’t think they know what to do with the situation—they’ve been isolated when it comes to Syria.  And they’re trying to find out what their place in the world is gonna be. And we’ve shaken that.

I think—you know—Russia is full of themsleves. They’ve always been full of themselves. But it’s more of a facade they try to show more than anything else.

Yes, no one can fool chess grandmaster Haley. She's ten waffles ahead of Putin and isn't even remotely impressed by his pathetic, transparent facade. 

Nikki Haley is in control—while Russia is a complete mess trying to "find its place in the world". That's why Nikki Haley retweeted this dumb thing:

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Very reassuring. Especially coming from a top diplomat for a country that is actively bombing five or six different nations. "Laugh at the confusion—everything happens for a reason!" 

Remember, though: Russia is confused and out of its element. That's why Putin regularly retweets dumb soccer mom memes. Because he has no business being anywhere near the halls of power. 

It's time to start a GoFundMe campaign to raise money for a rocket powerful enough to launch Nikki Haley into space. 

To quote Nikki Haley: "Think of the children."

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