Nikki Haley Seeks Ancient Neocon Wisdom From Demonic Walrus Moustache John Bolton

Nikki Haley receives much-needed how-to-bomb-Iran advice from seasoned neocon John Bolton

Wed, Jul 26, 2017
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1,882Comments
Disciple and master
Disciple and master

We are all deeply nostalgic for the days of yore—the days before Nikki Haley was muzzled by the State Department—when our favorite South Carolina peach made daily headlines with her barely literate, Facebook-rant diplomacy.

Of course, in accordance with official Trump policy, Haley is still allowed to preach from the Bible of Bomb Iran; so her status as a rogue psycho has been downgraded to "standard psycho". 

But there's always room for improvement. After all, Haley is an unexperienced greenhorn when compared to the seasoned war criminals who usually infest the United Nations. But has Haley been taking advantage of her privileged status to absorb the wisdom of those who sought to bomb Iran before her? 

Judging from her recent Twitter activity, it appears that Haley has been seriously slacking off:

C'mon, Nikki. Tehran won't bomb itself. 

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However! We were very glad to notice this morning that Haley has redeemed herself by seeking the ancient secrets of neocon diplomacy from John Bolton, perhaps the world's preeminent authority on advocating for and justifying genocide:

Yes, Nikki is in good hands. After all, Bolton has dedicated his life to destroying Iran, and he's been busy writing op-eds about why Trump should dump the Iran nuclear deal and start the party:

Iran has made six more months of progress toward posing a mortal threat to America and its allies. [...] Care to bet how close Tehran — and North Korea — now are [to nuking Freedom]? Consider the costs of betting wrong.

Consider that John Bolton is now coaching an actual vegetable in the Art of Bombing Iran.

"Great to see @AmbJohnBolton back @USUN. Thanks to his years of public service to our country, he continues to share great advice & wisdom."

We're boned.