Merkel Tests Limits of Human Patience During Sochi Summit With Putin

Putin remains stoic as Merkel spews sewage in Sochi

Tue, May 2, 2017 | 10192 Comments
Must. Not. Karate. Chop.
Must. Not. Karate. Chop.

German Chancellor Angela Merkel made her first visit to Russia in nearly two years so that she could projectile vomit about European values and Russian hackers while standing next to Vladimir Putin. 

As you can probably imagine, it was a great moment for international diplomacy. (They met in Sochi ... so at least the weather was nice? Although we are happy to report that it has stopped snowing in Moscow.)

During the brief press conference, both leaders acknowledged that the Minsk agreements must be kept and honored, but by the second question Merkel revealed that she continues to live on a moon made of Körniger Frischkäse

We were slightly perplexed when Merkel claimed that Poroshenko's regime came about by "democratic means". 

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But the climax of the presser came after a German journo asked Merkel if she was worried about Putin hacking her beautiful democracy

Merkel not only insinuated that Russia is corrupting Germany with its devious propaganda — she also had the panache to attack Russia's dangerous "military doctrine". (Does this doctrine involve ringing Germany with hostile military forces? No, Merkel is referring to "hybrid" warfare, i.e., "RT".)

Here she is, in all her Merkel majesty:

We are aware that cyber crime is an international challenge these days. And the Russian military doctrine also touches upon the topic of hybrid military strategy but I think and believe we will have no problem during the elections in Germany.

Why not just say, "Russia is not interfering in our election process and there is no evidence to suggest otherwise"? — since you know ... that's the truth?

After all, that's what the rest of the German government has previously admitted. 

As Russia Insider's unrequited love Maria Zakharova pointed out in March:

Vice Chancellor and Federal Minister for Foreign Affairs of Germany Sigmar Gabriel, who was in Moscow yesterday, said clearly that the federal government of Germany and German officials have never blamed Russia and never accused it of fabricating fake news and interfering in election campaigns. As he said, the responsibility for this rests with the German media. He stressed that he only speaks on behalf of the German government.

Merkel is a sad schnitzel, and frankly we're a bit amazed that Putin had the physical and psychological stamina to stand in a room and listen to her for so long without karate chopping his skull in half in order to make the pain end. 

Instead, Putin very calmly and patiently returned Merkel to Planet Earth:

He's doing God's work. 


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