An Ode to John McCain

A comedy of errors

Tue, Jan 10, 2017 | 3720 Comments

You know the public's hatred of a particularly egregious public figure has reached white-hot intensity when citizen-bards start ridiculing him in verse.  John McCain has achieved the nation's highest honor.  This bit of doggerel provides a surprisingly precise mini-biography of this miserable, blood-stained, murderous old man.


There once was a cadet named John McCain,

And his passing grades he did barely maintain

 

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For rules of safe flying he showed great disdain,

Once clipping power lines, causing blackouts in Spain

 

As a young Navy pilot, he flew against the grain,

His reckless flying cost taxpayers, many a plane

 

His "hot dogging" urges could not be contained,

When he blew up his own ship, 130 were slain

 

Transferred off the ship, to his mates he was a bane,

Because daddy was an Admiral, no one dared to arraign

He was shot down in Nam, over enemy terrain,

Angry villagers then beat him, until their fury did wane

 

In exchange for good treatment, Johnny would explain,

All the military secrets that his small mind did contain

 

In spite of good treatment, he could not stay sane,

And years of captivity did damage his brain

 

The stress of the times caused such mental pain,

By the end of the war, snow white was his mane

 

Upon his return the scoundrel would feign,

"I was tortured in Nam", again and again

 

To gain public sympathy, he limped with a cane

But he had no leg injury, he was pulling our chain

 

He flushed his loyal wife right down the drain,

And married an heiress, with much more to gain

 

From a career in politics he could not abstain,

He ran for Senate, a seat he'd obtain

 

"I'm a war hero", was his familiar refrain,

But soon his record would reveal quite a stain

 

The Keating 5 scandal nearly ended his reign,

But the media darling recovered, growing ever more vain

 

When POW families expressed him their pain,

Their pleas, the cruel bastard, would not entertain

 

He's a RINO Republican, like Collins of Maine,

Bashing the Right, and helping liberals to gain

 

His infamous tantrums are often profane,

Curse words and F-bombs flow from him like rain

 

"Don't deport aliens!" he does complain,

Wide open the border must always remain

 

In 2008 he played a Straw Man campaign,

Handing Obama the White House, with hardly a strain

 

"Bomb Bomb Iran!" is his comic refrain,

In the pocket of Israel is traitor McCain

 

CIA coups are his political domain,

Financed in part with cash from cocaine

 

He encourages terrorists, from Qatar and Bahrain,

To murder Syrian children, with thugs we did train

 

In defiance of Putin he arrived in Ukraine,

Preaching death and revolution, he's clearly insane

 

His warmongering rants have become so mundane,

Babbling like a drunkard, smashed on champagne

 

"War! War! War!" goes his mantra so inane,

This psycho should be fitted, with straight jacket & chain

 

If America the Doomed is like a runaway train,

In the engine next to Obama, sits Johnny McCain

 

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