A Celebration of Mr. Obama's Remarkable Talent For Saying Silly Things
A compendium of inanity from the Commander in Chief
The author is a professor of Slavic studies at Brown university, Rhode Island, USA. He is an expert on 19th - 20th century Russian literature.
After explaining to the Vietnamese that: “Big nations should not bully smaller ones,” and to the Japanese that dropping nuclear bombs on civilians is bad, in other words, after exhibiting this perfect combination of naiveté, chutzpah, and disregard for common sense and common decency that made US foreign policy the envy of the world, President Obama has decided to visit other troubled spots all over the world and deliver more speeches.
Here is a sample of what he will say when trotting the globe.
1. On visiting Auschwitz:
History taught us that no nation should claim to be exceptional; it is also extremely dangerous for the rest of the world to put up with such claims and do nothing.
We learned that a nation should never be so arrogant as to presume that it can control everything, including natural elements.
3. On visiting Kent State University, where several anti-Vietnam War protesters were shot and killed by the national guard:
We learned that it is important to stand and die by your beliefs. And never mind that you might be shot, arrested or persecuted. Several generations later you’ll provide a great occasion for future presidents to deliver their uplifting speeches.
4. On visiting Selma, Alabama:
We learned that that our ancestors didn't die in vain, being lynched and tortured, and attacked with police dogs. Their sacrifice put a black man in the White House. It might be a small step for me (being a Harvard grad, and promising politician in any case), but it is a giant step for all black folks. So next time a cop kills your unarmed son or daughter, remember that I am in the White House and that’s a giant step.
5. On visiting one of the troubled spots in Iraq or Syria:
We learn that there is a fine line that divides a terrorist from a freedom fighter and that it is our glorious State Department and its glorious chief, the current presidential candidate, Hillary Clinton, that defines that line.
6. On visiting Northern Ireland:
We learned that nothing gives our foreign policy more credibility than preaching for the cessation of the sectarian strife between Catholics and Protestants in Ireland, while fomenting it in the Middle East.
7. On visiting Srebrenica, the place of alleged Serbian atrocities:
We learned that when Russia is weak, we can control the air, the airways, the UN, the EU and public opinion. That gives us a perfect opportunity to install democracy friendly puppets all over the world. And we intend to keep it this way.
We learned and we taught the world that in our search of global domination we would stop at nothing. We would create mad dogs whom we unleash on Russia in Afghanistan and we would kill them when they turn against us. So to all sci-fi writers who invent stories about robots running out of their inventors’ control, we say: don't worry -- we call all the shots.
9. On visiting Turkey and shaking hands with Turkish President Erdogan:
We are very glad that American lessons are finding an eager audience all over the world. We are very happy that our skillful obliteration of the indigenous population, coupled with our ability to deny it, have flourished so successfully in other parts of the world, Turkey in particular. Your country’s ability to mastermind genocide and then successfully deny it for a hundred years, is that glue that holds our two countries together in peace and unity.
10. On visiting Libya:
We learned that we are destined to be new Caesars, carrying the heavy burden of Pax Americana, and woe to the rulers that resist it. In the words of Julius Caesar, so capably translated into English by my sidekick, Hillary Clinton, “we came, we saw, he died.”
We learned that harboring Nazis always pays. Already Machiavelli reminded us that it is important to keep your enemies closer than friends. By fostering Nazis and their descendants we created a pool of ruthless and obedient puppets, ready to be installed anywhere in the world, from Kiev to Zagreb, and from Latin America to the Baltic States.
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