BREAKING: PUTIN WINS FRENCH PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION

Putin is the projected winner of the first, second, third and fourth rounds of France's presidential race

Sun, Apr 23, 2017 | 5567 Comments
baguettes: annexed
baguettes: annexed

MOSCOW — Several high ranking FSB officials have confirmed to Russia Insider that President Vladimir Putin has triumphed in the first round of France's presidential race, and is projected to win the second, third, fourth and fifth rounds as well. 

According to reports, midday turnout for the first round has been less than 30 percent, most likely because French people already know that Putin has successfully hacked their democracy forever. 

In a brief statement given at the Kremlin, Putin said he was honored to serve as France's next president and looked forward to annexing all their baguettes. 

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