Ambitious Hillbilly Nikki Haley Threatens All Life on Earth

Ascendant Denny's waitress finds her calling: advocating for world war

Sun, Apr 9, 2017 | 6061 Comments
She doesn't need a massive machine gun. Every time she opens her mouth, thousands commit suicide
She doesn't need a massive machine gun. Every time she opens her mouth, thousands commit suicide

Assuming we all survive the next six months, normal people will look back on 2017 and think to themselves: "Remember when that deranged hillbilly tried to get us all killed — but then a fed-up mob tied her to a rocket and shot her into space? What was her dumb name again?"

Her name was Nikki Haley.

Since her only major achievement before advocating for world war involved dumping ice water on her head, we thought that perhaps the American war machine would cool down a bit under her clueless leadership at the UN. 

We have to admit that we seriously underestimated her capabilities.

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America's rookie ambassador to the UN has already distinguished herself as a prominent hawk within the Trump administration. 

Allow us to demonstrate. 

Here's US Secretary of State Rex Tillerson on Syria:

"Assad’s role in the future is uncertain, clearly, and with the acts that he has taken, it would seem that there would be no role for him to govern the Syrian people."

Disappointing. And certainly far more aggressive than statements made before the "sarin surprise". But to his credit, he's basically just saying "the 'sarin attack' makes us have second thoughts about Assad." Of course, he's basically calling for regime change — but at least he has the decency to add some decorative garnishes to his senseless warmongering. 

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Now let's have a look at what Nikki Haley told CNN last night:

"We don't see a peaceful Syria with Assad in there...[We want to] get the Iranian influence out ... Regime change is something that we think is going to happen."

We like how she threw in the Iranian bit, just to make it absolutely clear that she's parroting the official line of her boyfriend, Benjamin Netanyahu.

And unfortunately, Netanyahu does not have altruistic hopes and dreams for the future of Syria. 

In other words: Nikki Haley is an ambitious hillbilly who will say and do anything — and she might get us all killed. 

Yes, she's the ultimate yes-lady. She even wrote a book about it:

According to Wikipedia, Nikki Haley is an ascendant Denny's waitress who steals stand-up routines from Colin Powell — which is what makes her so dangerous. 

She's a real eager beaver. Which is bad news for (almost) everyone. 

We'll let Haley have the last word:

This is a time of strength. This is a time of action. This is a time of getting things done. 

IMPORTANT UPDATE:

 

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