Vladimir Putin's Happy Disappearance Ending

Somewhere deep inside the walls of the Kremlin, there just could be a wholly incalculable public relations bomb set to go off. What if some rumors are true? What if Mr. Putin's disappearance has a happy ending? 

Sun, Mar 15, 2015
|
21,993Comments
MORE: Opinion
Putin and Alina Kabayeva
A Happy Russia Ending

You've read all the headlines, Russia's president has been relatively inaccessible these last few days. In the mainstream media, the reasons for this range from his untimely demise, to space aliens having abducted him to serve as ruler of a distant planet. While the latter seems as likely as any Hollywood tough guy falling prey to a stroke, people for and against Putin are truly concerned today. My question is though; "what if the answer to the mystery is simple?"

The other day I read a crazy bit about how Mr. Putin's longtime friend Olympic gymnast Alina Kabayeva is pregnant, andabout to give birth to a child at Clinica Sant' Anna outside Lugano in the Italian region of Switzerland (See Santanna newborn gallery). At first I blew off this as just another wildly speculative "Putin" editorial, but the pieces began to come together for a potential fairytale ending to the Putin dissapeawring act. Follow me here (use Yandex browser). 

The optimists among us have to be first shocked, then realistic about what has gone on these last days. The Putin haters are out in force like never before, both in and outside the press and politics. This is secondary though, since the more logical stories we see point to an altogether different ending to this strange tale. Unless a lightning bolt struck the Russian President in his sleep, we'd have known already if something bad happened.

As for a silent coup d'état so many report (wish for) on, the liklihood there is zero. If anyone took over for Putin forcibly, 140 million Russians would hang them from those red walls in Moscow. He's just that popular. I know you've hear everything of Chechnya factions, Oligarch cohorts, ceisures, CIA attacks, and God knows what else, but if we focus on the positive, just briefly... What if Alina Kabayeva has really given birth to Vladmir Putin's baby girl, as the original "leak" professed? Hmm, I heard you wondering. 

advertisement
Take also into account the crazy stories idiotic news people tell, of convoys of "strange white trucks" rolling into Red Square! Well, for those of us realizing the May 9 celebration of a great victory in World War II is about to happen there, construction trucks make sense. However whacky idiot American sensationalists may be though, the timing of these events may be crucial to finding Mr. Putin. That is before Mr. Peskov makes a much publicized announcment. Remember, many news outlets reported that the media were told not to leave Moscow because of an "important announcment." Even CNN Money is taking the opportunity to report stocks down on the seeming news. This brings us to my fairytale ending. 

If we consider the possibility Mr. Putin and Ms. Kabayeva have truly been in love, as some suggest, things take on a different complexion. If nature has taken its logical course, and Vladimir did spirit away to Switzerland as anyone would expect he should, then how much more real could a mid-March announcment of a wedding in April in Moscow be? I'll take you breathlessly, only two steps further. 

Just how idiotic, crass and unreasonable will the western media look if their trolls wished two lovers ill will, on the eve of such happy tidings? Mr. Peskov would deny a salary for three months just to gloat over the PR nightmare in western circulation. In the end just how appropriate would it be for Vladimir Putin, his new bride, and a child to stand before Russia's greatest heroes on May 9th? 

I'll tell you how appropriate it will be. Vladimir Putin will have an approval rating of 99.9% by the end of the day. 

Now how's that for a positive conspiracy theory? 

Let's hear your thoughts. 

Click here for our commenting guidelines