Hillary Clinton Mocks Putin, Gladly Accepts $500K in Jewels from Head-Chopping Saudi Dictator

  • King Abdullah bin Abdulaziz Al Saud is dead. But he left behind $500K in jewels and various other gifts for rabid anti-Putin fanatic Hillary Clinton
  • Does Putin need to behead someone to curry her favor? Maybe...
Sat, Mar 5, 2016 | 35,482 Comments
Monsters, Inc. A Pixar family picture. Bring the kids!
Monsters, Inc. A Pixar family picture. Bring the kids!

Hillary Clinton is a comedic genius. Just listen to her "impersonate" Vladimir Putin. Do you hear that husky, not-at-all-Russian voice? It's like she NSA wire-tapped into Putin's voice box and then temporarily share-wared his most inner thoughts. Amazing.

When she loses the 2016 elections, she will surely have gainful employment as a children's entertainer. She'll need that job, too, after her husband is through with the legal bills associated with his most recent flying sex slave scandal. The Clintons—America's living treasures.

And while Clinton is an outspoken, self-righteous Putin hater, she does love an occasional $500K in jewels from Saudi Arabia's newly-dead, head-chopping monster. As The Hill reported in 2013, Clinton received

white gold jewelry with teardrop rubies and diamonds containing a necklace, a bracelet, earrings, and a ring. Bestowed upon Clinton by King Abdullah bin Abdulaziz Al Saud of Saudi Arabia, the jewelry is valued at half a million dollars.

Diamonds are a Clinton's best friend! Especially when they come from a medieval dictator who executes people for sorcery. Sorcery! Sorcery isn't even real. That's like executing someone for being Santa Claus. Can we all appreciate why this is extremely disturbing? Of course not. "Free Pussy Riot!" 

Also, free these people who had their heads chopped off by King Abdullah: 

Too late. Their heads were chopped off. 

Just remember: Russia is a backwards hell-hole. RIP King Abdullah.

Hillary Clinton and every respectable American politician will continue the war against sorcery. Don't get too comfortable, Dumbledore!

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